Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren’t!, Dr. Henry Cloud &s Dr. John Townsend, 1995. Henry tells about being in a Christian group for 5 years where he learned a lot but became more “religious” and less “real”.

This was not a safe group. Later, after several failed relationships, he got counseling and learned how to recognize people who seemed very spiritual but were not “real”. Thereafter, he says, “I was able to pick better friends, people who really knew God and His ways instead of a lot of religious language and activities – truly relational people who were able to understand and love others and were honest about themselves and about life.”